Friday, May 23, 2008

Seven days

One week exactly. It's amazing. A month ago it seemed it would never come, but now I'm two days away from meeting my Angels and holding them in my arms. The thought is enough to cause me to gasp for breath. One week...

I was looking through my old PMs recently. One year ago this month Amma and I realized that it would be impossible for us to meet. She lived in New Jersey, I in Georgia. I had family up there, but with her parents as protective as they are, there would be no way to arrange a meeting. It was upsetting at the time, but as months passed and we grew closer the idea that I would never meet her became devastating. I would dream of ways we might possibly meet, either by chance, or by planning once we could. But it was difficult to know I would have to wait so long. Then Amma introduced me to Hannah. Another Heart-Sister I would never meet. As I have very few friends outside of the Internet (none at the time) it broke my heart to think I would never meet the two people I loved so much. Then an idea, a wisp of a possibility. A New Jersey party was being planned and Amma was thinking of going. Almost have joking and with no expectations, I asked my mother if she thought we could plan a trip up to visit family at that time, and attend the party while there. It was a shock when she actually accepted the idea and said that we would look into it. For the first time I had hope of meeting one of my Angels. I told her so and we became fixated on the idea of making it happen. And then Hannah said she would try to attend as well. It was incredible! We were going from none of us ever meeting, to all of us meeting at once! But the party was still months away and plans and situations still had to be worked through.

There were several near calls for me in going to the party. A few of them had to do with money, a couple were half-threatened punishments (My father said that if I didn't go to the prom, I wasn't going to the party. You can imagine I got my dress on in a hurry.), and a couple instances of something else entirely. Being as insecure as I am, there have been a few occasions where I've wondered if Amma and Hannah really want me to come, or if they are more interested in just being together. I still wonder sometimes, but through talking with my Angels, I know it's just his lies whispering in my ear. I know that they love me and want me, and even when his lies are taking over my mind, I can still feel it. Otherwise, why would I be here now?

Now... One week... In one week I will touch my Angels for the first time. Tell them I love you to their faces. Finally hear Amma's voice and see her face outside of my dreams. One week. So close. And closer still since we leave Thursday morning. Six days until that. Ai, it makes me tremble to think on it. One week. No longer a month, two months, 100 days... the marks we had celebrated before. No. It's close enough to know the weather on the day we meet, close enough that I can almost feel their arms around me and their voices in my ear... So close... So close to the thing that was never supposed to happen, but for His grace. All I can do is praise Him. Thank Him for giving us this chance.

Father, I can never thank you enough for giving us this. For pouring your love upon us in such an amazing way. And oh God, how could I ever give you half the devotion worthy of the amazing, unmeasurable, indescribable gift of my Angels. All I can do is to thank you until eternity ends.

One week...

No galu govad gen.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Spilling Thoughts

So school is over. I suppose I'm a Junior now... how odd. And Koby's a Senior. Everything is changing. Some for the better, some for the worse... I'm not quite sure how I feel about all of this. A lot of mixed emotions and feelings are running through my head right now...

Christian World Views class ended today. I'm sad to see it go. It was a great class. We went over the past year today (though we got sidetracked by a few discussions) and in the conversation two things came up that caught my attention. The first was a positive, though something that I hadn't given a whole lot of thought to before. It was the idea of wives submitting to their husbands. My friend Bitty was saying how she didn't like that wives had to submit to their husbands as she felt that indicated that women were inferior. However, Ms. Michelle talked about the fallacy of that statement and how it's a blessing to be under our husbands as it means the guys have to shoulder the responsibility of the family. Bitty was still a bit unhappy about the thought, especially when Ms. Michelle said that though she had no problems with woman working, once a woman is married, the home should come first and when there are children, work should be put aside until they're older. I agree with this completely and have decided what I will do. I plan to become a youth counsellor and I will work full time before marriage. After I marry however, I will take off for the first few months to a year to get settled and learn how to run a home, then go back part time. When children come, I'll stop working until they are in high school at the earliest. Some people might say that it's stupid to give up a career for family, but I've never dreamed of a career, I've always dreamed of being a mom and I'm not going to screw it up for a career. As for the submission part? I'm not worried. I know my husband is going to be absolutely amazing for two reasons:
1) I trust God's plan
2) He has to be better than my girlies. And let me tell you that will be a challenge!

The second thing we discussed was the poor and the problems with the government making it easy on them and giving them things like free stuff, food stamps and the like. Everyone was trashing that concept, saying that it's stupid for the government to make it easy on them so they don't have to do as much. Ms. Michelle seems to be pretty heavily against food stamps. *twists ring around finger* My family is on food stamps... We aren't per se poor in that we live in the streets, but it's a struggle to make ends meet. We couldn't buy groceries for over a week last month because we had no money to We woke up to thirty seven cents in the bank one morning... Total. *sighs and shakes head* My dad does the best he can and it kills him to have to see that he can't provide for his family the way he wants to. He takes every extra job he can get, but there's no work... And to hear all the others in my class say that people shouldn't be given food stamps because it encourages them to be lazy... it hurt. My dad is anything but lazy. But things aren't working... *bites lip and runs hand through hair* Ai... I don't know why I'm saying this...

No galu govad gen, mellyn nîn.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

A World Without God...

Another thing about me that you might have noticed is that I'm terrible about keeping up with my blogs. I have nothing to say, so I say nothing. However, I am now forcing myself to write, which mean, I'm sure, that it will be horrible.

I was thinking the other day about the state of our world, our culture, today. Especially in America. The crime rate, the suicide rate, the drug, abortion, and teen pregnancy rates are all going up. Why? Is it due to television, video games, and other media? Perhaps partly, but then, what is the reason the media has taken a turn for the worse as well? When did it start? Could it have been when we first started removing God from our government, from our schools, our publicity? After all, without God and Biblical morals what means is there to judge right and wrong. Who is to say weather it's right or wrong to have premarital sex? With only the vote of the people to determine the truth and the basis for right and wrong it cannot be any surprise that without a higher authority to defer to that the morals of our country are falling apart. Just look around at any public high school. They take God out of schools to "protect the rights of the students" but without a means to determine what is right or wrong it gives these students the idea that they are free to do as they like. After all, if this is the end there's no reason not to have the most fun possible and if there's no hell as payment for sin, why not go to that wild party down the street or try out that drug every one's doing?

*sighs, shaking head* Removing God from our government and schools is the worst decision this country has ever made.

And now that I've finished my rant: No galu govad gen. My God bless you and keep you and cause his face to shine upon you. My He be gracious to you and may He give you peace.