Life is a Flicker

I don't really know why I'm randomly updating here. I guess because I have limited other options for sharing thoughts like this that I don't want all of Facebook to know.

I got a message today from one of my best friends. Apparently she and her friend got into a car wreck today. She survived thanks to the airbags with only a few busted ribs, bruises, and a gash on her forehead.

She could have died.

That's what I can't get past. I keep getting hung up on that thought. But for the grace of God, she could have died.

The idea terrifies me. I mean, I know that she would be in a better place, but... the idea of this world without her is unfathomable. I've never had someone close to me die. Even my Grandmother didn't have that much of an impact on my life when she died when I was 11.

But someone young, younger than me. Someone so full of life and joy, who makes me smile a hundred times a day... the idea of them being gone--erased from the world in an instant without me ever getting to say goodbye or let them know how much I love them one last time--is numbing. Chilling. I literally couldn't breath when the idea first hit me.

She could be dead right now. That text I got from her on Tuesday could have been the last thing I ever heard from her.

I know that's not how I should be thinking. I should be singing, dancing, rejoicing, and praising God that she's alive and okay. And, in a way, I am.

But I suppose I'm in shock. I've lived a golden life, in a lot of ways. While bad stuff has happened, I've never lost someone very, very important to me in a permanent way. The idea of it stuns me. I don't know how to deal with it.

If my brain wasn't so dead from exhaustion and cram studying, it might be easier to think through everything, but as it is I think the next few days need to be filled with a few long, very specific prayer sessions to sort through all of these thoughts and emotions.

So that was my random, long overdue update.

Until next time, when it's hopefully not 2:30 and I'm looking at four hours of sleep before my exam.

No galu govad gen.