Saturday, December 27, 2008

Oh dear...

It seems I'm not very good with blogging consistently. :oops:

I don't really feel like talking about what's up in my life, so I'm just going to keep this tab open for a while and write when and if I feel like it. It probably won't be a very sensical post, but who really cares.

The year draws to a close. It has been an interesting year, full of changes, blessings, and so much else I cannot begin to describe. In some ways I am sad to see it go, but in other ways I look forward to starting anew. To entering this new year with a new life. For I have changed drastically over the past 12 months. I'm not the same person anymore. I'm not exactly sure who I am. All of these sudden changes have left me quite discombobulated. I have made friends and lost friends. I have lived and loved and lost. I have laughed and I have cried. In fact, that latter is rather a big deal. For years I could barely cry. I was too numb and disconnected. To cry means that I can truly feel again. It is a relief, though it makes it harder to hide from pain. And there is pain. Much of it. I do not pretend to be perfectly okay. I have failed. Even since my last post I have returned to old habits. I have found myself lying on the floor again broken and tired. But there were differences in those times. I had hope. And it kept me going. It kept me trying. And I made it through the year. When I came so close to never getting through the first month of 2008, I still stand here, drawing to the end of December and I am still alive. I cannot tell you how the next year will go. For all that I know I may die in a car wreck before New Years, though I hope that is not the case. But no matter what happens, I made it this far which is far more than I expected. And, though the past few months have been hard, perhaps among the hardest of my life, I made it through. 2008, though it produced much pain and sadness, has been a year of miracles. And not only in my life. But I will not share a story that is not mine to tell. Yes, I still fear, I do not deny that. In fact, I fear very much. I know I should not, but over the past few months I have found more things, more people to worry after and I fear for their safety. That is an area I need work, and prayer in, learning to trust God with things and not worry so much after them. But it is, as of now, a downfall of mine. I worry too much about the people I care about. And DioM has provided plenty of those. Even everyday life as started sending people across my path. And I'm opening my eyes now. I'm taking a closer look at he people I have known for years and dismissed as people who I could never belong with. And I'm starting to realize that I might have judged too harshly and that many of them might understand far more than I gave them credit for. Yes, this has been a year of many changes. Some for the worse, but many for the better.

Recently I have started listening to the band Superchick. It is almost frightening how well some of their songs fit me. This one has been the theme song of my life lately. I've been going through a bit of a rough time and it has helped a lot.
Beauty from Pain

This song has also been an impacting one.
Stand in the Rain

And, though I fear judgement by some, I shall admit another secret. This song fits me as well, though it would have been more accurate last year and early this one.

My life has changed so much this past year...

This was a lot different than I was planning to make it, and I think I'm done now.

Until my next post. No galu govad gen. May blessings go with you.


Seth Lohr said...

I love you and don't want you to forget that.

bookworm4god said...

Tralalalaa, you have a wonderful blog! ;)
I hope you remember me [Bookie]! I like your blog. It's really cool.
Keep up the great work,

Lela said...

*hugs her tightly* Im meleth le, Vala.

All three of those are very powerful songs. *nods*

I'm always here for you.

I'm so glad you've come so far. :)